25 Miles

Photo is Property of Everybody's Beautiful ©

Today was an epic day. It was the realization of several monumental events in my life. It was a very emotional day for me.

Realization number one...

This morning I decided to look at a picture my roommate took of me last night before going out and compare it to a picture taken a year ago.

Pictures are posted above.

The original picture (left) was taken on June 9th 2012. I was broken then. My spirit torn apart by doubt.

I had just found out my husband had an affair. I had just found out my body was failing me. I was on the edge of losing a fight I had no business trying to fight. 

I was at rock bottom. It was then I decided to make changes.

The current photo (right) was taken on June 8th 2013. A year later. I don't even look like the same woman. I definitely don't feel like the same woman.

I walked away from a marriage that just wasn't working. I walked away knowing I tried my best and I deserve better. I walked away knowing I made the right decision.

I cried when I looked at the pictures side by side. I'm still crying.

Realization number two...

I am stronger than I ever could imagine. Not just physically, but internally. 

I am finally a person who sets a goal and follows through. I am finally the person who takes control.

My most recent goal was to ride 25 miles on my bike. 

My attempts were usually thwarted by individuals not being able to meet me to ride or others hadn't reached that ability yet.

I was bound and determined to get my 25 miles in. Especially since today was my one year anniversary celebrating the beginning of my journey.

No one could ride with me so I went alone. Something I would have never done before. I was just that confident today that I could do it alone. 

It was a grand ride.

I started at Xaloy and rode through Draper to Hiwassee and a little further. I spent a lot of time thinking and a lot of time crying.

I thought about how far I've come, how beautiful I am inside and out.

Then I started thinking about if I am ready for another relationship or not.
Someone has walked into my life and wants to spend time with me in every way I have ever wanted. I guess that is what scares me the most.

My marriage was over a long time ago. I went back because I felt I needed to give it a try. I went back because my faith tells me to not give up. We've only been separated a month. The reality of it, my marriage was over the moment my husband cheated. I am not going back. I even filed the paperwork.

But am I ready to open my heart? Is it too soon? What do I need in my life right now? What do I do?

It took me a year to get to 25 miles. How long will it take me to get back to love?